Hi, I'm Skinny

Blog 7
I’m skinny. I get it. I have no fat on my body and that makes other girls not like me. My current girlfriends yell at me often. “Eat a cheeseburger!” My mom always says if there is ever a stomach transplant she has dibbs on mine. No I don’t work out. I eat whatever I want. I don’t gain weight. Must be great, I assume is what you’re thinking. What it must be like to never have to worry about becoming fat. But would that be so bad?
When I go shopping clothes never fit. I have that 5’7’’ height that models have but I have the waist the size of a 12 year old. Isn’t that what runway models have. Couldn’t I just take this body and sache it down the catwalk? I could make the millions that buy those special clothes that fit people of my size.
“She must be anorexic.” I must be starving myself in order to stay so thin. But I love food so that accusation is incorrect. “Bulimic.” I hate throwing up. I have projectile vomiting so when I throw up it shoots everywhere with no salty taste warning. It feels like I’m being stabbed in the stomach. I don’t have an eating disorder.
“Must be nice to have a body like Kate Moss.” I hate that. I get it I’m skinny. I hate it when people talk like I don’t realize I’m small. I hate it when people want to switch places with me. I hate it when people give me recipes high in all those fatty ways. I hate when people comment on the fact that I like to eat salads. I get I’m skinny!
Why would you want to switch with me. Curves are in. it’s all about the ass these days. Mines rather small, you don’t want it. What’s that? You want to know my trick? Fine. Here it is. The trick to being skinny…
First you have to be born a month premature so that you have what is called calisaya. Then, you have to wait three months in the hospital for your stomach to actually form. Next you have to get the stomach to not absorbed nutrients properly. That means you can’t breast feed as a baby and when you’re on to solid foods after six more months of throwing up and being fed by a tube, then you have to shove a bunch of protein vitamins down your throat. After that you will see a nutritionist and she will tell you to try and eat a little more each day. But whoops! Your stomach doesn’t agree and again you throw up. So you will grow up on whatever your small, barely developed, barely functioning stomach will allow. You’ll eat things like salads, soups, anything easily digested. I promise then, after puberty you’ll be skinny.
I better give you the warnings. Every diet has warnings right?! Your entire life will be spent with many doctors’ visits taking blood and trying to figure out how to get all your nutrients. Your stomach will next trick your pancreases into thinking you have too much sugar in your body and it will stop producing insulin. Then your brain will produce less serotonin and bam! You’re skinny but you will have seizures. No biggy for the price of being skinny. Oh I almost forgot, you will also always be tired. You can sleep 9 hours a night and by noon you will need a nap because you can barely move your body. But hey it works. If you want to be skinny this is my trick. Get a disease before you were born that affects the way you eat. It’s great, really. I love being able to have my niece call me Jack from the “Nightmare before Christmas. Well, I’ve got to go. Time to take the celexa, sugar pills, protein vitamins, check my blood sugar, and not forget the diazapane. All in a day’s work to be skinny.